Congratulatory call is first task for mother of the groom

Congratulatory call is first task for mother of the groom

Checklist Item No. 1 for Mother of the Groom

Checklist Item No. 1 for Mother of the Groom

“She said yes!” This was thrilling news for me. Not only were my son’s dreams coming true, but he had chosen a beautiful, wonderful girl who would be a loving, solid addition to our family. What mother of the groom doesn’t want that?

If you’re into checklists, item number one for the mother of the groom is to call and congratulate the bride’s family.

An optional but related, and very nice, gesture is to invite your son’s future in-laws to dinner, cocktails, breakfast, a ballgame — whatever is natural and appropriate for your family. An easy, friendly gathering is a great way to begin the process of blending the two families. Logistics, particularly distance, often make this impractical, but when it’s possible, it’s a wonderful way to show your son and future daughter-in-law your support.

Ideally, this is an intimate, memorable gathering for the two families, including siblings. In my opinion, it is an all-‘round fabulous idea to begin this journey with a relationship-strengthening celebration. You’ll need a sturdy foundation for the coming months which, almost certainly, will deliver a challenge or few to everyone involved.

Here’s how all of this transpired in our family: the mother of the bride and I had texted back and forth during the day of the proposal. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I’m pretty sure we talked on the phone that night as well, or maybe we Facebook chatted or something, but we definitely shared the joy of the moment together. (If I’d known this blog was coming, I’d have kept a journal or at least taken notes.)

Regretfully, I did not host the kind of gathering discussed here. The summer before, however, the two families met for the first time at a family cookout at our home. It’s a stretch, but I consider that a “check” on my mother of the groom to-do list. The event was very similar to my ideal and the resulting bond carried us through to an amazing wedding 16 months later.

  • Rani

    I have a question.
    My son is going to propose to his girlfriend soon. He asked permission to her father and all are looking forward to this day. The girl’s mom and I chat now and then and we both knew it would happen soon. now my son told me all the details of his proposal. Should I communicate that to the girl’s mother? Or I just wait until it happens and my son calls me and then call girl’s mom/dad to congratulate? Should my son tell her mom the details like he told me ?
    not 100% sure what is the best approach to bring the max happiness to all.

    Thanks in advance for sharing your insights,
    Rani

    • http://TheOtherMother.com/ Joyce Beverly

      I love that you already have a great relationship with the bride’s mom, but I would not give her any details about the proposal. Your son can do that if he chooses, but it sounds like he has told you his plans in confidence and at best you may disappoint your son and at worst inadvertently spoil a surprise. I think our children always appreciate our discretion.You and her mom can talk all about it afterwards.
      You’re already asking the right questions: what’s best for everyone. That’s a great indication that the families will enjoy many happy times in the years to come.

      • Rani

        Joyce, thanks for sharing your insights. I should have asked my son first (i assumed he couldn’t get an opportunity to tell the parents about his proposal when he asked permission :-). it turned out that he told her mom /dad about his plans and the day he’s going to propose. Now everything is easy. My son told me to have fun with her mom as I wish because there is nothing to hide (he gave this smile). He just added ” I hope you two moms don’t spoil my surprise plan to my girl friend”. All good!:-)

        • Rani

          Joyce, FYI.My son proposed to his girl friend. Her mom and I chatted all day and very excited and happy. Now next steps…

  • maggiesocial

    I love the party idea!

  • Pingback: Being the world's best mother-in-law starts with these basic steps()