Engagement party may be hosted by the groom’s parents

An engagement party provides a lovely opportunity for families and friends to become better acquainted while also celebrating the future of the bride and groom. Although this event is traditionally hosted by the bride’s parents, as with nearly all other wedding customs, the rules are evolving. Today, this party may be hosted by either set of parents, cohosted by both, or hosted by the couple or their friends. It is not uncommon, especially when parents live in different cities, for both sets of parents to host an engagement party.

Most experts agree, though, that the bride’s parents should have the opportunity to host an engagement party. The groom’s parents who want to do this, then, should be sure to contact the bride’s parents first and coordinate with any plans they may have. The bride’s parents’ party should be held first.

There are a few things to keep in mind when hosting an engagement party.

• Be careful with the invites. Both Anna Post, granddaughter of Emily, and The Knot say that anyone invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding, especially if either parents or the couple themselves are the host. Martha Stewart dissents, saying that today’s smaller, distant weddings allow more flexibility. You’ll have to make your own decision about what is right in your own case, but be aware that there are some expectations in this area. Inviting people to the engagement party who may not be invited to the wedding, in my opinion, presents a first opportunity for conflict.
• Toasts are an important part of the engagement party. Guests will expect this, Anna Post says. Traditionally, the bride’s father toasts his daughter and the groom. If the groom’s parents are hosts, however, then they should raise the first glass, followed by the bride’s parents. Anna says if the parents are cohosting, then the bride’s parents are first.
• The engagement party should take place in the first few months after the proposal, and about nine months to a year ahead of the wedding. The sooner the wedding, the sooner the party.
• Invitations, if mailed, should be posted about a month before the event.
• Small celebratory gifts, while not required, are trending. Champagne, gift certificates, wedding magazines, flowers, and cards are thoughtful choices.
• While the engagement party may be formal or casual, keep in mind that it should not upstage the wedding. Simple is best.